Random collection of quotes from the late comedian Mitch Hedberg formatted for use with the fortune command.
The fortune tarball is available for download here.
Vending machines are a big part of my life. I like when you reach into the vending machine to grab your candy bar and that flap goes up to block you from reaching up. That's a good invention. Before that, it was hard times for the vending machine owner. "Hey, which candy bar are you getting?" "That one...and every one on the bottom row!"